I've made an instrumental for the purpose of being used in commercials, tv and film. Check out Feeling 27 here. If anyone knows any indie filmmakers looking for music, pass it on..there will be more to come. This one is very moody..its lusting so hard for something it makes you cry..
I've changed my mind yet again. I found a music education program in Bellingham, WA that leads to certification. I would love to teach music for a living, but there are not many schools that offer such a thing. Futhermore, I keep realizing how much I miss it up there. There isn't much in the way of thunderstorms, but there are plenty of brooding clouds and slouching evergreens. Do I know for sure yet? Not really, but I didn't appreciate what I had when I lived there. In fact, living in Vegas has made me re-think every place I have left... I had no idea the privileges that I had growing up even in the bay area. This place shows you how ugly it can get.. the maggots on the rotting lifeform... the parasitic indigestion in the form of dust devils and dazzling lights... I had no idea how bad it could get. Being an "artist" is a lot of fun and a curse in a way.. I am always swarming with so many ideas. This means I am never quite satisfied, but I can always entertain myself. I think this explains who I am the most.. I'm always missing the mark.. lusting for something else.. brimming with yet more ideas that flicker on and fade off into the sunset within a day's time.
I want the precision of a violinist and the raw passion that can only come with grinding a guitar to your hips... I want my voice to bellow out everything that is inside my head.. the passion.. the rage.. the things I never got to say..the people I never got to say it to.. the empty space I feel when the sun peaks into my bedroom each morning. I want the writer to come back, because she is under the surface and follows me everywhere I go. She takes in every moment..the dialogue around her at a grocery store.. every bat of a cigarette or eyelash.. she sees stories all around her... Everyone is obsessed with the idea of being in love..but nobody knows what it is... it eludes us and taunts us. Maybe love is in the friendship that never ends... or being able to look past our aging faces and know that we don't want to live without the object of our affections.. but we can. I have no idea where I'm going with all of this. These are just random thoughts being strung together at 230am.
Back to my original point... when I lived in Bellingham before it just was not the right time. I had barely reached my 20's and I tried to make a connection that didn't exist. I didn't know what college I wanted to go to.. my friends were an hour away in Seattle.. I still wanted to go to clubs and barhop. I craved the night life that didn't exist up there. I've grown out of that stage now. I know who I am and what I want. I know I don't care about night life anymore and if I want to go to a concert.. Vancouver BC is only 50 miles away. Vancouver BC is my dream place to live... but I can't live there for obvious reasons.. mainly lack of citizenship. So why not get as close as I can? It is one of those things... you don't know what you have until you lose it. I regret encouraging my mom to sell her little cottage on the lake.. I miss that place more than I ever thought I would.
Anyway..here are some pictures that describe how I feel about the place..
I took these when I went to Bellingham last fall...